I'm stuck at the office right now. There's nothing worse than waiting on other people so that you can finish your job. So instead of updating my status reports for the 5th time today, I am going to do something that actually makes me feel creative, happy, and well... like a human being!
So here I sit at 9:15pm on Monday...Although to the outsider, or even to the woman emptying my waste basket right now (It's always bad when you're still working during the cleaning crew) I may appear to be a confident, put together young woman, the bubbly, clumsy, curly haired “chub-ette” I was in my toddler years is still very much present in my daily life. Perhaps, even to a fault. As my dad has said before “There’s the right way, the wrong way, and the Stephanie way.”
I still struggle with whether this particular proverb is a compliment indicating my unique, loveable charm, or an insult intended to rattle my confidence. This contradiction is one that seems to effortlessly sum up my daily inner dialogue.
“The Stephanie Way” is something that I both pride myself on and berate myself for. I boast The “Stephanie way” for having many great friends who find me truly genuine and entertaining, while I paradoxically blame the “Stephanie way” for my too many to mention embarrassing moments and my inability to get out of my head.(always the dreamer)
I am the fun loving, outgoing, bubbly, funny, creative, carefree idealist, just as I am the messy, shy, clumsy, anxious, over-analytical worry wart. I suppose I’m no different from most people. A human being can’t be broken down into a mere list of adjectives or titles, as we are all complex characters forever re-inventing ourselves while simultaneously embracing and challenging new co-cultures and societal expectations. Just as “life” could never really be defined, no single human being could ever hold a single definition in the Webster. So in that way, perhaps this stream of consciousness borders around being egocentric. However, I think and hope that many people can relate to me. I'm the girl who supposedly has a lot going for her, but contesting opinions about what those things are and what exactly to do with them all. I am an unsettled New Yorker. I am in search of "life."